Month: April 2017

At one time, Suzanne Segal was a teacher of Transcendental Meditation. My wife knew Suzanne when she was a TM teacher. My wife was envious of her charisma and competence.

In childhood, Suzanne had moments of psychological detachment and “vastness” which would scare her.

Suzanne experienced an emotional trauma on her TM-Sidhis course when she received a letter from her fiancé that called off their engagement and informed her that he was going to go on the Purusha course. Purusha is the celibate monk-like program of the TM organization.

After she learned the TM-Sidhis, she told Maharishi Mahesh Yogi that when transcending she sometimes experienced great fear as if she was going to die. Maharishi laughed and told her not to worry and to just let go.

Unhappy with her experiences and with the direction of the TM movement, Suzanne soon fled from the TM organization, from TM knowledge, and from the practice of TM and the TM-Sidhis.

In 1982 while getting onto a bus in Paris she had a major shift in awareness and lost her sense of self. Since she understood the witnessing experience of Cosmic Consciousness as described by Maharishi, she sometimes described her experience as witnessing. However, at first, she was having a hellish, fearful experience so she couldn’t reconcile her experience with Cosmic Consciousness.

At the urging of her brother, Suzanne met with another TM teacher who had announced his own enlightenment but was actually having his own mental health crisis. The blind leading the blind is an apt statement. The “enlightened” TM teacher at first sensed a high state of consciousness in Suzanne and thought he could help her. Weeks later their relationship ended when he stated that she was evil because she was Jewish.

As time passed, Suzanne was able to function with seeming normalcy although she still did not have a sense of self. She completed a Ph.D. in Psychology in 1991 and continued to research her own condition.

Suzanne consulted with various psychologists and psychiatrists over the years. Though she was told by one that she had Depersonalization Disorder, she did not think it was a perfect fit because she was able to function normally in everyday life despite the loss of her individual self.

She also consulted with Buddhist teachers in California. Buddhism cultivates loss of ego, and some Buddhist teachers congratulated her on attaining moksha.

About 1994 Suzanne experienced another shift in consciousness in which there was a sense of unity between herself and the world.

In 1995, Suzanne’s story spread. She was reluctant to act as a spiritual teacher, but she agreed to meet with friends of her book editor. Within a few months of subsequent gatherings, several hundred people were attending meetings to hear her story and to ask her questions.

Suzanne’s autobiography, Collision with the Infinite, came out in 1996. She began training therapists and continued weekly gatherings for dialogues with spiritual enthusiasts.

In late spring 1996, she began having intense experiences of vastness which disrupted her life and exhausted her. In fall 1996, Suzanne recovered experiences of childhood abuse and was going through counseling treatment.

In early 1997, Suzanne’s mental faculties quickly deteriorated. Doctors discovered a malignant brain tumor which they removed. Suzanne refused further treatment and died on April 1, 1997 at 42 years old.

Wikipedia has a good summary of Suzanne’s amazing life at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suzanne_Segal.

Conclusion

The supposed experiences of enlightenment are so close to psychosis that Suzanne had a hard time deciding if she was enlightened or psychotic. Similarly gurus, psychologists, and psychiatrists had difficulty assessing Suzanne; some thought she was enlightened.

I think that a state of enlightenment does not exist. However there are altered states of consciousness that make people think that they are enlightened.

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The purpose of this blog post is:

1. to show that trauma is commonly considered to be a cause of a kundalini awakening

2. to propose that trauma is more likely to lead to mental illness than enlightenment

I will be using sources off the internet that mention kundalini awakenings related to trauma.

I respect the knowledge and intellectual clarity of some kundalini commenters on the internet. However, I also feel sorry for quite a few kundalini commenters on the internet who don’t seem to realize that they have psychotic mania. And I feel sorry for kundalini sufferers who are getting information and advice from shaky individuals and websites.

(I have another blog post that has descriptions of enlightenment experiences from 22 people. Over half of them acknowledge having had significant traumatic experiences.)

1. Sources stating trauma can lead to a kundalini awakening 

• From http://www.kundaliniawakeningsystems1.com/kundalini-heart.html#.WPg0gPnyumE: It (kundalini) needs to be awakened or activated first and there are many ways for this to occur. Drugs, trauma, meditation, yoga, shaktipat are but a few of the ways. From that point there are a number of paths that it can take and a number of expressions it can manifest.
• From Biology of Kundalini by Jana Dixon: The stress of say child abuse or war can create Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), but if it was not for this extreme perturbation of consciousness by trauma, chances are that the individual would not experience a kundalini awakening. Thus what is seemingly “bad” can lead to great “good”.
• From http://elementmountain.com/den-post/kundalini-premature/: Since this energy is primarily dormant in humans, it takes a very unique event or sets of events to activate it. This is where all the practices come into play that try to do that very thing, activities such as yoga, meditation, tantric and breathing practices, chanting and other voice vibration practices. The use of certain drugs is also used to try activating the Kundalini from its dormancy. Other events that can activate the energy are trauma, psychedelic drug use and abuse and pretty much anything that forcefully alters the body’s natural state of being. Trauma can include anything from extreme illness, an accident, torture, sexual abuse and any near death event. Any kind of severe trauma can, but not always, activate prematurely the Kundalini energy.
• From http://www.wingedwolf.citymax.com/kundalini.html: A sudden awakening of the Kundalini due to trauma can cause an array of physical and emotional symptoms, many of which cannot be explained medically.  Symptoms include but are not limited to: crackling noises at the base of the neck, headaches, muscles spasms, hot and cold flashes, mental confusion, twitching, emotional outbursts, numbness of the arms and hands, change in eating and sleeping habits, and excess energy.
• From Kundalini and the Chakras: Evolution in the Lifetime by Genevieve Lewis Paulson: Involuntary ways in which kundalini may be released include drug use, overwork, a severe blow or injury to the tailbone area; grief, trauma, or excessive fear; excesses in meditation growth practices, or sex.
• From https://mirror-of-my-soul.com/2015/01/20/when-the-twin-flame-kundalini-rises-souls-merge-true-story/: Kundalini can also be triggered or released by an outside force such as a traumatic accident, near-death experience or emotional trauma.
• The following blog focuses on kundalini, trauma, and spiritual awakening: http://www.vanissar.com/blog/
  

 

2. Trauma can lead to mental illness, but it may seem like the threshold of enlightenment

In a previous blog post, I commented that it is worrisome that a kundalini crisis often has the symptoms of psychotic mania. In another blog post, I commented that it isn’t good that psychedelic drugs give the same manic-type experiences as in a kundalini crisis.

Today I am proposing that trauma can lead to a mental illness. Trauma can approximate the same manic-type experiences as a kundalini crisis brought on by spiritual practices (which also happen to be symptoms of psychotic mania).

A kundalini crisis is an overwhelming mind-body experience that could have all kinds of excited mental states, euphoria, overconfidence, grandiose delusions, pain, and physical sensations.

What seems more plausible? Trauma can lead to the mental illness of mania -OR- trauma can lead to enlightenment.

Ascetics from around the world have fallen for the similar idea that self-mortification can be part of a religious practice to attain redemption or higher spirituality.  I am not aware that hair shirts and sleeping on a bed of nails have enlightened anyone. (smirk 😉

I don’t blame trauma sufferers for latching onto the idea that they are having a kundalini crisis and are on the verge of enlightenment. Manic experiences have fooled many people including me.

As the first part of this post points out, trauma is commonly accepted as a cause of a kundalini awakening. I don’t think so. I don’t agree with the entire scheme of kundalini, enlightenment, and reincarnation. I have a blog post that has one significant argument against enlightenment; my book contains many more.

Kundalini crises bring a mix of benefits and detriments. I don’t deny that there are amazing benefits to the mania of a kundalini crisis, but in my opinion, the delusions greatly outweigh the benefits.

A significant benefit of a kundalini crisis is the high self-esteem that comes from its basic makeup and from the knowledge that enlightenment is nigh. Unfortunately, the high self-esteem is based on delusion.

And unfortunately, self-esteem has a long, long way to fall from being enlightened to being mental ill. Whether kundalini sufferers be gurus or ordinary folk, they will not be prone to give up their delusions. I have two blog posts (first one and second one) that deal with the self-esteem fallout of coming to terms with the grandiose delusions of a kundalini crisis.

Conclusion

This  blog post is yet another nail in the coffin of enlightenment.

Emotional and physical trauma are injuries to health. Some people recover and become stronger, but thinking that trauma creates enlightenment is delusional.

Enlightenment has not been proven to exist. When proponents state that trauma leads to enlightenment, the existence of enlightenment becomes even more implausible.

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Here is some self-esteem fodder for kundalini sufferers who are beginning to think that their symptoms are not enlightenment-related or healthy:

• Being a kundalini sufferer, you are an exceptional, unusual person. Very few people experience a kundalini crisis or spiritual crisis.
• Recognizing your own delusion is something that very few people have done. It is very difficult to self-detect one’s own delusion.
• You are thinking for yourself. You are not accepting what you are told about kundalini from the first person who speaks. You examined different points of view and made your own viewpoint.
• You are bucking the advice of many gurus and kundalini counselors. They seem to reinforce delusions and mania by stating that a kundalini crisis indicates spiritual growth and that one should continue on a spiritual path.
• You realize that recovering from a kundalini crisis is not easy. You are willing to persist in life activities that will “ground” you.
• You are willing to consider new ideas. You realize that you may be re-examining some spiritual principles which have previously guided your life. You will be patient with yourself. Instead of being rigid, you will be open-minded to consider different points of view, and then you will apply your critical thinking skills.

More recommendations on self-esteem after a kundalini crisis were in this post https://myenlightenmentdelusion.wordpress.com/2017/04/08/the-self-esteem-roller-coaster-for-me-and-other-spiritual-seekers/

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Mania is defined as mental illness marked by periods of great excitement, euphoria, delusions, and over-activity. Manic patients are frequently grandiose, obsessive, impulsive, irritable, and belligerent. They frequently deny anything is wrong with them.

Grandiose delusions during mania are characterized by fantastical beliefs that one is famous, omnipotent, wealthy, knowledgeable, or has an exceptional relationship to a divinity or famous person.

Review of past conjectures: Kundalini crises are over-whelming mind-body experiences which often fit the definition of mania. People who think they are enlightened just might have the mania of a kundalini crisis. “Guru maniacs” are spiritual people who have mania and who happen to have strong intellects and the gift of gab.

Today’s conjecture: People have different degrees of susceptibility to mania, but spiritual involvement increases the likelihood of mania as illustrated in the table below.

I think that almost everyone has a mania susceptibility of negligible or very low. I probably had a very low susceptibility to mania due to genetics, but I had a very high spiritual involvement and my health had been compromised by a mostly raw food diet.

Here are things which can contribute to a very high spiritual involvement:

• spiritual practices like meditation, prayer, pranayama, kundalini yoga, and energy movement
• receiving shaktipat
• spiritual study, reading, lectures, and dialog
• devotional practices to God, deities, or gurus
• using faith instead of common sense and critical thinking
• strong yearning for enlightenment or other spiritual goals

Creativity, intelligence, and mania

Mania often affects highly intelligent people. Apparently being highly intelligent is not much help in detecting one’s own delusions.

Here’s my favorite statement that attempts to describe why a maniac can’t see his own delusion. The mind during a manic episode, as if, illumines thoughts a thousand times more than normal and imprints memories a thousand times more deeply than normal.

Psychologist Eric R. Maisel, Ph.D. in a Psychology Today blog states, “There is plenty of evidence to support the contention that mania disproportionately affects smart and creative people.”

Conclusion

My conjectures:

• Spiritual involvement greatly increases the chances of mania.
• Gurus and other people who think they are enlightened have mania.
• Rather than protecting from mania, high intelligence and creativity are associated with more susceptibility to mania.

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I observed that the people who seemed to have the deepest, most profound experiences in meditation were often people who were not stable emotionally. Similarly, the people who had the ability to see auras were usually people who didn’t have both feet on the ground.

When people hear of flashy spiritual experiences that they themselves are not having, they might become envious or dispirited. I would like to change their attitude so they feel fortunate that they are stable. I think they should feel sorry for people who have flashy experiences, and they should feel sorry for people who are seeking flashy experiences.

I reckon that the highest human experience is just feeling good. Flashy experiences in meditation and flashy celestial-type experiences in activity might seem nice, but I think that there will be hell to pay later. Flashy experiences and peak experiences often come to people who are not stable mentally, emotionally, or physically.

Larry Wardwell shared a similar observation in his book, Confessions of a Closet Yogi. Larry wrote: “After years of listening to people on these long rounding courses get up to the microphone and tell Maharishi and the audience about some truly astonishing experiences, I noticed that some of the folks who had the celestial visions and very clear experience of being at one with the universe were not the most stable or integrated individuals I had ever met.”

Immediately after seeing an afternoon matinee of the 1983 movie, Terms of Endearment, I had one of the deepest, most profound meditations of my life. This movie was a tear-jerker, and I now hypothesize that my emotional swings during the movie primed me to have a flashy experience in meditation. Apparently, going through swings of emotion made my experience seem more profound.

Here’s another example of a flashy experience during an emotionally trying time: A meditator was crestfallen while a family member was on his deathbed. When the meditator looked at her hand, she saw light beaming out the ends of her fingertips.

Some people who are having flashy spiritual experiences are urgently seeking enlightenment and not leading a balanced life.

Some other people who have so-called flashy spiritual experiences may have an unhealthy, delicate physiology unrelated to spiritual practices or desires, but their physiology is conducive to flashy experiences.

Conclusion

I think that flashy spiritual experiences and kundalini crises are signs of ill health.

Subjective experiences are not always what they seem. For example, some people are in mental hospitals because they think they are God.

Sometimes subjective experiences are good for self-esteem and confidence, but if the experiences are delusional the negative repercussions will outweigh the positive aspects.

My blog post on 22 enlightenment experiences offers more examples of the type of people who are more likely to have flashy spiritual experiences.

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I am coining two phrases to clarify why some people who are having a kundalini crisis can become gurus while others having a kundalini crisis do not become gurus. Delusions, euphoria, over-confidence, and excited mental states are symptoms of psychotic mania and are also common symptoms of a kundalini crisis.

I am using the phrase “guru maniac” to describe a person who along with having delusions of grandiosity during a kundalini crisis also happens to have the charisma, the gift of gab, and the ability to carry out a tactical strategy to attract followers. Most guru maniacs have an uncommon intellectual ability which they use to impress potential followers.

The phrase “spiritual maniac” describes a person who is different from a guru maniac. A spiritual maniac has delusions of grandiosity related to a kundalini crisis, but doesn’t have the necessary traits mentioned above to become a guru.

A spiritual maniac is more likely to end up in a mental hospital whereas a guru maniac can talk themselves out of just about any predicament.

I did not possess the charisma or eloquence to become a guru maniac, but even I flirted with the possibility of becoming a guru when I had my kundalini crisis. I had the manic symptom of over-confidence.

Since a guru maniac has the lexicon of spiritual literature, he likely sees his kundalini crisis as being a legitimate higher state of consciousness. Thinking that one is enlightened is grandiose thinking.

A guru maniac has the ability to master the enormous quantity of intellectual blather that has accumulated in religions and yogic traditions over centuries. Being able to speak about the mishmash of ancient wisdom allows a guru maniac to speak with credibility and authority.

Whereas most psychotic maniacs may have friends, family, and medical doctors letting the psychotic maniac know that they are delusional, guru maniacs probably do not have anyone telling them they are delusional.

Instead the followers of a guru maniac legitimatize the grandiosity that the guru maniac sees in himself. And the guru maniac sees his grandiose self-esteem validated through his own interpretations of spiritual literature.

If a guru maniac could see that his thoughts were grandiose delusions, he would lose his towering self-worth, but a guru maniac is unlikely to recognize his own delusions. A guru maniac is totally convinced of his own status because his manic mind, as if, illumined his thoughts a thousand times more than normal and imprinted his memories a thousand times more deeply than normal.

As time passes, guru maniacs adapt physiologically and mentally to their kundalini crisis. They are able to have one foot in their grandiose delusion and one foot in the world shared with other people.

Guru maniacs learn to keep some of their delusions to themselves in order to keep themselves presentable to followers. Guru maniacs walk the line between hiding their innermost thoughts and sharing their grandiose ideas about themselves.

It is easy to understand how guru maniacs enjoy having followers who not only adore them, but are also willing to serve them. Having followers must be the ultimate pick-me-up. Guru maniacs eat up the attention and the power of having followers.

Like celebrities and powerful people, guru maniacs have often abused followers related to money, sex, and power. Abuse from guru maniacs is particularly maddening because guru maniacs espouse spiritual principles that are supposed to aid moral living.

I propose that after a guru maniac easily receives respect, admiration, and service from followers, the guru maniac can lose his moral compass. The guru maniac starts to think that he can do anything.

Conclusion

Guru maniacs at least imply that they are enlightened. Enlightenment is the greatest spiritual incentive of all time, but there is no proof that a state of enlightenment exists.

Guru maniacs act like they know what they are doing when they are really flying by the seat of their pants.

A kundalini crisis is an overwhelming spiritual experience that often results in delusions, over-confidence, and excited mental states which are all common symptoms of mania. Guru maniacs have hoodwinked themselves and their followers. They deserve to be called guru maniacs.

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Some people like to compare psychedelic experiences to meditation/yogic experiences to legitimatize the use of psychedelics. However, this assumes that spiritual experiences from meditation/yoga are always healthy experiences. I am not willing to concede that spiritual experiences or psychedelic experiences are healthy.

In November 1971, I took my first step to become a spiritual seeker while in the library at my university. I started reading a book written by Theodore X. Barber that was entitled, LSD, Marihuana, Yoga, and Hypnosis. I was interested in knowing about drug experiences.

I was very intrigued with Barber’s opinion that although LSD may be a way to a higher knowledge of God and reality, these experiences would be a shock that could not be easily integrated into one’s life. Barber wrote that yoga was a way to gradually build oneself up to have the same sort of experiences so that they could be integrated into one’s life.

Before reading Barber’s book, I was a naïve, youthful agnostic. After reading it, I was a naïve seeker of God and meaningful life experiences. I became interested in meditation.

Barber’s comments about a divine shock from using drugs make sense. However, many people practicing meditation and yoga have also experienced shock from a kundalini crisis that disrupts their lives and that sometimes leads to the mental hospital. Go to my kundalini page to read accounts of kundalini crises that disrupted lives for years.

Psychedelic and kundalini episodes can be over-whelming experiences for the mind and body. Thoughts that come during those episodes are, as if, illumined 1000 times more than normal and imprinted in memory 1000 times more deeply than normal. They can do much more than just rock the boat of life.

The underlying physiology of psychedelic episodes and kundalini crises is probably similar to the physiology of psychotic mania that underlies euphoria and the grandiose delusions involving God and other spiritual themes. That doesn’t seem like something that one should aim for.

Using psychedelics is playing with fire. Extreme spiritual practices are also playing with fire.

Conclusion

The benefits of LSD, DMT, psychedelic mushrooms, and extreme spiritual practices are not worth the risks.

Feeling good in life is great! Arranging your life to feel good is much safer than shooting for the moon with psychedelics, meditation, or other attempts to awaken kundalini.

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It is natural to want to be great in one’s own eyes and in the eyes of others. There may be lots of people who secretly have a grandiose opinion of themselves. This concept is humorously depicted in photos of a kitten that sees itself as a lion when looking into a mirror.

Isn’t the desire to excel closely related to the desire to be great? Aren’t politicians, athletes, artists, teachers, farmers, lawyers, tool makers, mothers, fathers, and yogis harboring a desire to be recognized as being at the top level of greatness?

According to an article entitled “Grandiose Delusions” by R. Knowles in a 2011 issue of Clinical Psychology Review, over 10% of healthy people experience grandiose thoughts but do not meet full delusional criteria. If healthy people have grandiose thoughts, I suspect that people in a kundalini crisis would comparatively have SUPER-grandiose thoughts.

Enlightenment and union with God are grandiose ideas

Most, if not all, people having a kundalini crisis are at least familiar with spiritual knowledge. They are steeped in ideas of God being inside them, that enlightenment is a possibility for everyone, and that they would be a great person if they were enlightened.

Grandiose thoughts during a kundalini crisis

People in a kundalini crisis have thoughts that are, as if, 1000 times more powerful than normal thoughts, and therefore they can have very powerful grandiose thoughts. And it is not surprising that the mind would steer grandiose thoughts in the direction of familiar spiritual images and concepts.

In the overwhelming experience of a kundalini crisis, one could latch onto yogic explanations for sensations in the areas of brain, spine, and chakras. The sensations and subsequent thoughts would be intense and would seemingly validate kundalini theory related to the chakras and the channels of the Sushumna, Ida, and Pingala that are located along the spine according to kundalini theory.

Grandiose thoughts could contain elements of enlightenment, union with God, or all sorts of yogic achievements. I suspect that these thoughts are delusions, but it will be almost impossible to convince someone that they are delusions if he is in the mania of a kundalini crisis.

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Lots of people have noticed that the mania of psychotic disorders have many of the same symptoms as a kundalini crisis. Patients with psychotic mania have symptoms without doing spiritual practices, but people having a kundalini crisis seemed to have caused their mania by doing spiritual practices.

Some people have suggested that some patients diagnosed with psychotic mania could make significant progress towards enlightenment if they only had proper guidance. I disagree because there is no proof that a state of enlightenment even exists.

The mania from psychotic illness and the mania from a kundalini crisis are not normal mental states. A spiritual seeker in a kundalini crisis may have a better chance of coming out of mania relatively unscathed than a person with Bipolar Disorder, but both often have the symptoms of grandiose delusions, euphoria, over-confidence, and excited mental states.

Mania is a mixture of good and bad symptoms, but the bad symptoms of delusions and excited mental states greatly outweigh the good symptoms of confidence and increased energy.

Mania is mania is mental illness

I propose that the mania from psychotic illness and the mania from a kundalini crisis should both be considered mental illnesses.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him give up his delusion

I think that there are some aspects of the manic mind which make the mind impenetrable by logic and evidence. Like an uncooperative horse that refuses to drink, the manic mind doesn’t even come close to accepting contrary logic and evidence.

To a manic person, delusions are so real that he could not even consider any other reality. To a manic person, there is no need to consider another point of view because he implicitly trusts his own experience.

Manic delusions can seem real even years after they first occur.

The lingering after-effects of delusions seem similar to “flashbulb memories” which are highly detailed, exceptionally vivid snapshots of the moment and circumstances in which a piece of surprising and consequential (or emotionally arousing) news was heard.

Some examples of flashbulb memories are that people can remember details of where they were when they first heard about traumatic events like the assassination of John F. Kennedy or the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

Like flashbulb memories, grandiose delusions make a very deep mental impression, and those impressions have a tendency to hang around in the mindset of a maniac for a long time.

The mind during a manic episode, as if, illumines thoughts a thousand times more than normal and imprints memories a thousand times more deeply than normal. So it is really not much of a surprise that the manic ecstasy of enlightenment or the manic vision of God cannot be supplanted and that the memory of that delusion is life-altering.

Delusions during a kundalini crisis

When I hear of someone who had a spiritual vision or of someone who thinks that they are enlightened, I immediately think they probably had a grandiose delusion during a kundalini crisis. Besides myself, I provide other examples in my book of people who seem to have had grandiose delusions.

When a person who has a strong desire for enlightenment has a kundalini crisis, he will have a truly, formidable delusion. His grandiose thoughts will meld with his intellectual knowledge of enlightenment and yoga. Good luck convincing that person that he is not enlightened!

There are aspects of delusions during a kundalini crisis that build up the self-esteem and self-identity of the person. If a maniac were to realize his thoughts were delusions, he would have to go from being on top of the world to having the disgrace of mental illness. Of course, maniacs don’t want to give up their grandiose delusions.

Avoid the roads leading to a kundalini crisis

I have major differences of opinion with most (or perhaps all) other commenters on kundalini, but I do agree with those who recognize the danger that things could go awry when doing spiritual practices.

I found these statements on the internet: “Beware of what you are about to unleash within you!” and “If the kundalini is awakened without suitable preparation and guidance, it can also be associated with debilitation, insanity, breakdown of the immune system, and prolonged spiritual pain and suicide.”

I want to sound an alarm for anyone who may be hoping to have a kundalini crisis in order to take a major step to enlightenment. A kundalini crisis is as dangerous as the mania of other psychotic illnesses. If you doubt that, read the experiences on my kundalini webpage.

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My self-esteem and optimism were very high when I started Transcendental Meditation in 1972. I had new spiritual experiences in TM, I noticed benefits in activity, and a whole new vista of possibilities opened up when I learned about Cosmic Consciousness and enlightenment.

My self-esteem remained high when I went on TM residence courses. I had the mentality that I could pop into enlightenment at any time so it was an exciting time.

My self-esteem dropped very low for one day on the TM-Sidhis course. I expected to get some results from practicing the TM-Sidhis. For example, when I practiced the siddhi on friendliness or the siddhi on the strength of an elephant, I expected to at least experience some flavor of the siddhi. I was bummed when I didn’t experience anything other than the normal feeling of being in a deep meditative state. Therefore, I thought that I may be far away from enlightenment, and that bummed me out!

When I hopped while practicing the TM-Sidhi technique on levitation, my self-esteem soared. When I returned to my home town after the TM-Sidhis course, I felt special being a TM-Sidha which was something others couldn’t even comprehend.

As years passed, my self-esteem came down a little when I became aware that I still wasn’t enlightened after doing regular meditation and lots of residence courses for two decades. I thought I might still be far from being enlightened so I doubled down in attempts to get to enlightenment.

When I had my kundalini crisis in 1990, my self-esteem was 100 on a scale of 100! I was over-confident, and I thought I was enlightened, and  I had a special relationship with God.

When I realized my supposed enlightenment was actually a grandiose delusion, my self-esteem tumbled. Self-esteem adjusts dramatically when your self-assessment changes from being enlightened to having the mania of psychotic illness! These adjustments took me at least 10 years because I gave up different aspects of the delusion bit by bit. Also I avoided thinking about my kundalini crisis.

I gave up the premise of enlightenment over 15 years ago. Instead of seeking enlightenment, I now seek to feel good. Feeling good is great! And I have a lot of that.

Self-esteem is important for mental and physical health. I obtain a substantial part of my self-esteem from everyday accomplishments and from having come through a kundalini crisis.

For 18 years, I gave my all to become enlightened. After 1990, I began to suspect that enlightenment could be a false myth. In writing my book, my self-esteem grew some more as I pieced together a fairly comprehensive analysis on how I and others have been wrong about enlightenment and kundalini.

It will be difficult for spiritual seekers to change their mind about enlightenment. It will be difficult, but I think it will be worthwhile. Self-esteem will rebound.

How to go from spiritual mindset to terrestrial mindset
After realizing that euphoria and other peak experiences do not indicate that one is growing to higher states of consciousness, it will take time to come to terms and to change one’s mindset.

It is not a small thing to question a spiritual teaching, the guru, or the nature of one’s previous experiences. How can you extract yourself from a way of living that you have been immersed in for a long time? How can you have any self-esteem left when a major part of your prior self-esteem came from being on a spiritual path?

It will take courage to change the status quo, persistence to trudge through uncomfortable territory, and optimism that your future can be better.

Here are some of my ideas on how to change your mindset:

1. I suggest distracting yourself in the simple activities of daily living. This will get you away from the grim, heavy thought processes of coming to terms with why you are changing your approach to living.
2. Don’t dwell on the shenanigans of the guru and the spiritual movement from which you came.
3. Get practical everyday experience under your belt so you will know that you can live successfully having a new mindset. You can experience triumph every time you do something without thinking about spirituality whether it be just doing the dishes or just taking a walk. You can experience triumph when you realize you have gone for longer and longer periods of time without thinking about spirituality.
4. Gravitate towards friends who are grounded and/or not in the spiritual movement. Give an honest excuse to former friends that you are taking a mental health break or that you are going to get more balance into your life.
5. Instead of getting your self-esteem from being on a spiritual path, raise your self-esteem by realizing that you are going to persist in a very difficult transition to a practical, terrestrial life.
6. If you need help, seek help from family, friends, and/or professionals.

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